I’ve been a bit remiss in discussing my life lately. The truth is, events over the past few months have left me discouraged, particularly the results of the election here in the United States. It’s hard to believe that so many people in this country have embraced not just authoritarianism and white supremacy, but that people have become so selfish that they really don’t care about their fellow man. I remember during the pandemic, Dr. Fauci said “I don’t know how to explain to you why you should care about other people” and today that seems even more true.

Want proof? We decided this year between my spouse, my son, and myself that instead of giving each other Christmas gifts that we didn’t need and didn’t have the room for, we would take a cruise. It wasn’t expensive, and going from New York City (well, really Bayonne, NJ) instead of Florida saves us airfare and hotel expenses as well as being a lot easier. We did that at the beginning of the month and had a great time. I was so impressed with the people I met on the ship. I’ve been on many cruises, and I thought this was the nicest group of passengers I’d run into. Then I read this in the Facebook Group for our cruise after we’d returned home:

Having a son who is immune-compromised, I’m very aware of being exposed to communicable diseases. Despite the fact that he’s on Remicade, his immune system often seems better than ours. One time when we came home from Florida, both my spouse and I tested positive for COVID and he never did despite sitting in between us on the plane home. Way back in 1990, when I was pregnant with my first child, I caught chicken pox while at Disney World. I was stressed the whole rest of that pregnancy because someone felt they had the “right” to go wherever they want with any illness. (I purposely didn’t erase the name of that travel agency that said that – it wasn’t an oversight.)

This is the culture that put the Orange Menace back in the White House. It’s all a case of “nothing matters unless it happens to me.” All of these people would be singing a different tune if someone they loved and cared about died as a result of a preventable illness. They’d be screaming that the government should have done something, all the while denying their own culpability that brought us to this place.

Nothing matters unless it happens to them.

If the ACA is repealed, which the Orange Menace and Mike Johnson have said they will do, it’s likely my son will lose his healthcare. He’s currently allowed to stay on my husband’s insurance until June of 2026. That guideline will go away. Once that happened, our plan was to have him get insurance through the state thanks to their health care expansion. However, if the ACA is repealed, this is the effect in New Hampshire:

With a pre-existing condition, he would not be able to get health insurance. He’s on the autism spectrum and works for McDonalds, probably about the best he can do for a job. On another friend’s page, someone callously commented that he should “go out and get a real job and get off the public teat.”

Nothing matters unless it happens to them.

When their children die or can’t get health insurance, they might change their minds. People have said we have to allow for reconciliation once people realize the mistake they made. I say, no we don’t. If at this point in time, you have voted for this, I don’t have to like you anymore, never mind respect you. We have been talking about how bad it can be, and people have been living in denial because they don’t think it will affect them. I cannot accept back friends and family members I’ve put at a distance because something finally happened to *them* to make them see that we were right.

And what is it all for? Is it just that they can’t admit they were wrong? They can’t be Christians, no matter how much they pretend to be when their hearts are so filled with hate and indifference for their fellow man. They hate people who look different from them. They hate people who don’t fit into a convenient category for them to identify. They hate anyone who differs from the “norm.” That’s not what Jesus commanded us to do. His direction was simple “Love one another as I have loved you” and let God sort it all out in the end.

But here we are. Nothing matters unless it happens to them.

I finally had a good heart-to-heart with my doctor. My job has cut back, and I just can’t think anymore about working outside of the home. There are many reasons for that. Over the last year or so, though, it has become harder and harder for me to function. I get exhausted doing the least little thing. Folding laundry exhausts me, physically. My arms feel like lead weights and I just feel like I have to sit and rest afterward. This morning I was preparing dinner to go into the slow cooker. Standing up for a half-hour left me shaking. I have mental fog on a regular basis and often can’t even motivate myself to do the simplest chores. I was blaming myself. I was painting myself as lazy. Even things I enjoy, such as geocaching, have taken a backseat and I don’t always want to leave the house because it’s too exhausting. Getting groceries once a week wipes me out for the rest of the day.

And I’m supposed to find a job?

My doctor thinks I either have post-septic syndrome from my issues almost 3 years ago, or POTS. I’ve been reading up and either one could be possible. I have to go through all kinds of tests, including a sleep study, echocardiogram, stress test, and more. She also wants me to see behavioral health, which is going to be hard because I will have to dredge up everything all over again about my daughter and other things. I really don’t want to do that, but she said if I am going to apply for Disability that I have to. I can collect Social Security in 3 years anyway, so it’s not like we’re talking about a lifetime of being on Disability. That is, if any of it is still there. The Orange Menace and his cohorts are targeting Social Security and SSDI as well.

Nothing matters unless it happens to them.

People don’t care. They don’t care if they kill someone with an illness they carry to that person. They don’t care if someone dies because their health insurance is taken away. They don’t care if people are deported if they don’t look like them. They don’t care about anything except themselves and those they’ve decided are important enough to care about. The rest of us can die and they’ll step over our bodies.

And no, I can’t just forgive that when the realization hits them that they are complicit in what’s about to happen in this country and even the world.