When we lost my oldest daughter in June of 2013, we stumbled around quite a bit.  My middle daughter was the one I was most concerned about.  They had shared a room; shared a life.  As I looked around for ways to work through the process, I came across this book.  Although primarily designed as a Kindle e-book, I purchased a paperback copy to have for her to pick up when she needed it.  Before I gave it to her, though, I checked it out for myself.

The Forgotten Mourners: Sibling Survivors of Suicide right off the bat struck a nerve for us, and my daughter agreed.  In fact, she put it down after reading the introduction and hasn’t yet been able to go back to it.  For people who are freshly grieving, it might hit a little too close to home.

The author goes by “John’s sister” because her parents have kept what really happened with her brother a secret, only letting a very few close to them know the truth.  I could not understand that as I have been very open about what happened with my daughter.  I hope one day she can be as open and honest as we have been.

As I read through it, I got a lot out of the book myself.  Many of her suggestions for things like getting through the holidays are helpful regardless of whether you are a parent or sibling.  One thing she touches on is the change in family dynamics.  The author went from being a sister to an only child.  My surviving daughter was the middle child.  Now she was the oldest and only sibling to her brother.  It was something I hadn’t thought about.

There are some good suggestions on how to remember the departed sibling.  I learned about the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and their Out of the Darkness Walks from the author and immediately signed up to do one in New Hampshire this fall.

I found the book very easy to read.  The author handles the subject with grace, validating the feelings many siblings would have.  Especially in the case of teenagers who can really be at a loss when a suicide happens in their family, the reassurances she provides that they are not alone can be a comfort, as can the sense that the emotions they feel are not “wrong”.  Many siblings can feel angry at times and that can cause them to feel guilty.  It’s important for them to understand that it’s a normal part of the process of reconciling what happened and they shouldn’t make themselves feel guilty.

I hate to say I recommend The Forgotten Mourners: Sibling Survivors of Suicide.  I wish no one ever had the need to pick up a book like this.  However, the author shares her experience with honesty which can be a comfort to siblings seeking direction at a time like this.  I highly recommend it.